Monday, January 23, 2006

FITHL - Cat Bargaining Agreement

The Cat Bargaining Agreement

This document shall be referred to as the Cat Bargaining Agreement (CBA) for the Feline International Tub Hockey League (FITHL).

Salaries and Remuneration:
1. All players are to be paid a flat daily rate.
2. The daily rate is to be paid whether a game is scheduled or not.
3. Although the league does not have a salary cap, there is a minimum wage that has been agreed to. For further guidance, please review the documents provided by the law firm of Purina, Whiskas, Hills and Iams.
4. Performance Bonuses are to be paid out in the agreed to manner. There will be no arbitrary withholding of bonuses by Team Owners.
5. Performance Bonuses may be denied if said Player violates the Morality Clawses of this CBA.
6. All Salaries and Renumeration are to be paid according to the mutually agreed to schedule.
7. Team Owners caught failing to pay players according to the Payment Schedule will be required to provide additional performance bonuses.

1. All players are responsible for their own equipment.
2. Team Owners may make alterations to player equipment if deemed necessary in consultation with the Team Physician.
3. Players may not request a second opinion.

1. Each Player will be provided with one home of their choosing.
2. Players caught trying to maintain more than one home may find themselves suddenly without a Team Owner.
3. Each Player will be provided the following:
a. A sunny spot where sunlight is active for a minimum of three hours per day.Said spot shall be no smaller than two feet by two feet or four square feet in total area.
b. For those Team Owners maintaining their franchise in more northerly climates, in addition to the sunny spot, an artificial heat source must be made available to the Player.
c. A sleeping spot. This spot will be left up to the Player. Once determined, Team Owners must negotiate any movement of said sleeping spot with the Player.
4. Team Owners will provide, at a minimum, one rectangular bed whose dimensions shall not shrink during the season, resulting in Player being forced to find alternative accommodations.

1. All Players will submit willingly to the annual Medical from the Team Physician.
2. No violation of this claws will be permitted.
3. Random drug testing will be performed.
4. Use of controlled substances is permitted under Team Owner supervision only. Any cat caught self medicating will be subject to League review, and possible suspension of Performance Bonuses.

Morality Claws:
1. Destruction of Team Owner property is grounds for termination of this CBA
2. Destruction is categorizes as the
a. Misuse of bodily functions by:
i. Puking, Barking, Upchucking, (The following has been repealed :Hair Ball Spewing).
ii. Peeing, Urinating, or Marking
iii. Pooping, Crapping, Butt-Skidding, or Explosive Bowel Movements Onto
b. Or Unrequested physical alterations by:
i. Pushing, bumping or pulling from shelves,
ii. Shredding and/or tearing by either tooth or claw of
property designated by the Team Owner as expensive, priceless, hard to replace, one-of-a-kind, heirloom or otherwise attached to the current accommodations.


  1. we gots some questions:
    1. Does NIP (aka Kitty Crack) count as a drug?
    2. Accomodations 3a - is the per poodin, or do the poodins in each house haf to share?
    3. Accomodations - 4 - does the Mommy's bed count? that is the only bed we will sleep on.

    Thank you!

  2. I posed The Meezers questions to the League lawyers and they said the following:


    What can you expect from a bunch of monkeys in suits? So I asked Magoo since he is currently negotiating on behalf of the Rocketpaws.

    1. Yes, Catnip is a drug. A wonderful drug that makes my toes all tingly.
    2. The cheapskate of a team Owner said it is to be shared. He's whining about economic hardship if he has to provide every player.

    3. Any bed qualifies shared or not. This rule is to prevent intentional downsizing by Team Management.

  3. You guys are great! Can we give you a call if we need some help establishing rules in our house?
    Buzzerbee & meep

  4. i got a problem. 2.a.i. in the Morality Claws. i mean, i don't spew hairballs ON PURPOSE!!!!

    am i off the team before i get on????

  5. I gots a problem with hairballs, too. Can we call time out for sumfing like that? How can I coach if I'm busy hurling?

  6. What about fighting, name-calling and other meanness between players? Bonnie's mean! I can't take much more; I even hissed back today, and that's not like me. Can we put her in a penalty box?

  7. Thank you for the answers Magoo. That stinks that we have to share a sunny spot, acause we don't have very many in our house, and we were hoping that this would mean mommy would have to move to anofer house wif more sunny windows.

  8. Hey gang I found a hockey pal for you guys....go see!

    A great bathtub hocky mate!

    The Whippy Curly Tails in the Toasty South


  9. A couple of questions. First, in the "Equipment" section, sub-section 1, it states "All players are responsible for their own equipment." Both Brach and I had our "equipment" removed or snipped when we were mere kittens. Does that disqualify us?

    Also, in the "Morality Claws" section, sub-section 2, clause a, article iii, it lists "Pooping, Crapping, Butt-Skidding, or Explosive Bowel Movements Onto." Brach and I are fond of "Bare-Assing" human skin. Should we assume this is allowed or would that be considered a derivative of "Butt-Skidding?"

  10. Kukka-Maria: Your equipment alteration was grandfathered in by Clause 2. The Team Owners insisted on this one.

    As for the Bare-Assing, in consultation with the Lawyer Monkeys, they indicated that it is only a violation if something is left behind. Bella insisted that it had to be physically visible. She refused to play if the clause covered Pooting, Farting, Letting-One-Rip or any type of SBD (Silent But Deadly).

  11. oh, thank goodness pooting is allowed -I have a problem with pooting - when I get all happy I poot alot. - Miles

    Maybe we can ammend the "equipment" section to require a cork or plug or diaper for Miles - Sammy

  12. I added you to the Caturday blogroll.

  13. I loves me a good poof. I did one on Mom's lap the other day. So...when are we gonna get to playin?! I'm itchin' for a win!

  14. On consultation with our humans, Victor and I have applied our pawprints to the CBA. The beans said Victor counts as Team Owner Property in Morality Claws 1, so I can't destroy him. On the other paw, there's a loophole for verbal abuse. Call me Coach, call me Bonnie, just don't call me late for treats.

  15. I'm not sure about tub hockey. It all sounds a bit energetic for a fat lazy cat like me. I'll have to think about it. Thank you for posting on my new blog! I added you to my new links, I hope that is OK!