Wednesday, December 13, 2006

A cat I want to meet

I shed my first uncontrollable tears for Smudge last night. Although we had not given up fighting for him, it now seems that Smudge has given up fighting for Smudge. We had hoped that the encouraging numbers had indicated that Smudge's renal crash was over. It wasn't. We will try to get his appetite stimulated and start the sub-q fluids without waiting for the surgery. It is now up to Smudge.

C.D. Smith


Being a man, there are somethings that I just find really funny. Not to say that women can't find the same things funny as men do, but I have noticed certain distinct differences bewteen my sense of humour and my wife's. So based on this, let me tell you about a cat I would like to have.

His name is Stinky Pete. Besides the obvious reason why he would be called Stinky Pete, I just think the name rolls off the tongue and inspires a smile whenever you say it.Say it with me: Stinky Pete. Stinky Pete. Stinky Pete. I bet right now you have a smile on your face. It's one of the gifts that Stinky Pete has, he can make anyone smile.

Now, it wouldn't be Stinky Pete's fault that he is stinky. I would have changed his food several times trying to make him less aromatic, but for whatever reason it never would have helped. Also, there would be no underlying serious health issue causing his problem. This is important as I would have to explain this fact to any family or friends who came over for a visit. It also would not be an external smell issue. There would be no dingleberries hanging from his butt or his furry back legs.

I think it would be imperative that Stinky Pete was either a medium haired or long haired cat. People would need to check out his furry bum to see what was the cause of the nasty smell eminating from his body. He couldn't be a single solid colour either. He would definitely have to be at least half white. I see him as either a tabby and white or a grey and white bicoloured cat. The white is important once again to show everyone how meticulous Pete kept his coat looking.

So let's get back to Stinky Pete.

Even as a kitten, Stinky Pete would have issues. He would love to walk along the head of the bed next to our pillows when we went to bed for the night. Without fail, as Pete would waddle past with his little kitten stride, we would hear the faintest little poof of gas coming from his bum. Shortly thereafter, we would be coughing and gasping and laughing with our hands held up to our mouths and noses at the smell that assaulted our senses. We would tell each other that Pete's problem gas would disappear once he grew up and he was off the kitten food.

As Pete grew up, his problem with pooting or fluffing, as we started calling it, would not go away. He would not seem to care one bit. I think he would actually enjoy it. He would make the effort to be the friendliest cat you ever saw. Just so that unsuspecting guest would invite him up onto their laps and provide him the opportunity to really crack one off nearby. Pete would approach people who were sitting down by stretching himself up from the floor with his two front paws on their legs. He would then wave his right paw at them like a dog would who wanted to play "Shake a Paw." Thoroughly entraced by this friendly cat who played "Shake a Paw" just like a dog, the person would give the offered paw a gentle shake, all the while laughing at how funny Pete was. Funny; that was until the smell of one of Pete's poots reached their noses. Soon everyone would comment how Pete would poot, fart, fluff one off as soon as you shook his gently offered paw.

People would not believe that a cat would do that, so they would insist on pulling his paw just to prove that they were right and that everyone else must be delusional.

It would make Pete famous. The song "Smelly Cat" from Friends would be dedicated to him and he would have his picture taken with the entire cast. It would not be like they would be doing anything meaningful anyways. But his fifteen minutes of fame would end when he would appear on the Larry King Show. Larry would insist on seeing Pete's trick instead of taking my word for it. Pete would oblige and rip one right into Larry's face. Unfortunately, Larry King would not survive the encounter as the horrible stench causes him to have a massive coronary on a National television broadcast.

Stinky Pete lives to the ripe, and I do mean ripe, old age of 19 years. We would bury him in the backyard right next to the compost heap with a little tombstone that reads "Stinky Pete, Wanna Pull My Paw?."

32 comments:

  1. Wood yoo settul for a Stinky Skeezix? I cood ship him off tomorrow!

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  2. The Stinky Pete story is very funny. I love the "Pull my paw" bit especially.

    All my best to Smudge.

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  3. I happen to think bathroom stinks and farts and such are the funniest things going. Maybe because I had an uncle who always made us laugh with his *pull my finger* gag while he ripped out a fart on demand. So, "wanna pull my paw" brings a big smile to my face.
    BB&A's Mom

    Our purrayers are with Smudge.

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  4. *pull my paw*

    That is just too funny...and a smile was just what was needed.
    Thank you.

    Our very best for Smudge.
    All the kitties are keepin their paws crossed for him

    Abby's Mom

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  5. Hang in there Smudge!
    --Jasper

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  6. Keep fighting Smudge! Lots of us got your back with purrayers and crossed paws!

    Stinky Pete sounds like he would be quite the character!

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  7. Momma laughed. She said it reminded her that the Almost Dad wanted to call me Soiling Demon--we did anagrams of the two cats who died right before they found me and that was one choice. Momma was worried what would happen with me if they called me that.... Here Soiling Demon...!

    Hello Smudge. Be well- Purrs and headbutts.

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  8. You all are in our thoughts and prayers.
    xxxooo

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  9. we hope Smudge rebounds. all the best wishs yoor way Smudge.

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  10. You can have Victor! He's mostly white, could proly learn the "pull my paw" trick, AND he gets stinky sumtimes. For some reason, my beans snuggle up to him, then giggle an call him "Stinky Kitty." Please! I'll call UPS right away.

    Hang in there Smudge. You're not finished here yet.

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  11. BONNIE! No offense, but I'm happy wif my fambly an don't wanna move, tho Dolce would be fun to play wif. An I's not Stinky Pete, I's Victor. An I's gots short hair.

    The cat afore Bonnie was named Scruffy by her previous owners, but Mom thot that was mean an always asplaned she didn't name her. Since Scruffy was already 10, they didn't rename her.

    Fanks fur the funny story. I's still pictoring Dolce on her Christmas carousel.

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  12. Mr Smudge's Daddy - our foughts and purrayers as wif you and your wife and Smudge. And Magoo, Bella and Dolce who are prolly 'afused and koncerned too.

    We hadded Stinky Pete - 'cept he was a long hairded ginger girl cat named Trixie, who always hadded a pooting prollem for 18 1/2 years. Howefurr, Miles seems to haf the same prollem, so I can send him to you - FedEx if you want. - Sammy

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  13. Hang in there Smudge! You can do it. We're all purring for you.

    Coco, Ray, Mouse & Baby from Catster

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  14. Smudge remains in our thoughts and we continue to check in on him, and you. I wish I could take your pain away, and hope that in some small way the sadness that each of us feels in sympathy for you, takes even some of the burden of sadness from you.

    OC & Carma's mom.

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  15. Larry King would not survive the encounter

    I would think that would give Stinky Pete another thirty or forty-five minutes fame, at least.

    Hang in there, Smudge.


    dan

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  16. Hang in there fellow House Panther, Smudge. We are very sorry for everyone's pain, especially Smudge's dad. We are all thinkin' of you & your family and continue to hope for the best. Smudge is a wonderful kitty and always knows how much you love and care for him. Purrs & headbutts from the two of us and hugs from our people.

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  17. We could loan you Ko Ko to see if you would really enjoy a stinky pooter around. Mom thinks he does it when he doesn't want picked up so people put him down and he learns fast so he could learn the pull my paw reelly quick.
    ~Merlin and Shadow

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  18. Hahahaha. Mom agrees with you about the differences of human male and female senses of humor, whatever that means.

    The One Who Came Before had the stinky problem. Some of his nicknames were "The Muffinator" and "The Muffin Man" because he "muffined" frequently. Mom thought it was from all the lizards he ate.

    Purrs and purrayers for Smudge.

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  19. Inspired by Smudge, we -- Robyn, Cathy & Beau, Kat & I -- set up Light a Candle on the Pet Prayer and Praise blog.

    You can leave a message, say a purr-rayer, and light a candle for Smudge (or any other furr-iend in need). But it was set up originally to do something for Smudge. So it's dedicated to him.

    Praying and purr-raying for sweet lil Smudge,
    ML, KC, Missy & Bear

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  20. We are sorry to hear that Smudge is not doing so well. We will keep purring for him that he will have longer to spend with his family.

    We love the image of a rotating Dolce on a Christmas tree - very funny!

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  21. Mum sed thay had a stinky Pete befurr us an he wuz cawled Mr. Pig cuz he nefurr stopped eating. Thay yoosed to call him the Stink Bomb.
    Keep fighting Smudge, we's finking of yoo an yer beans. We's sending purrs an hedbutts to yoo an we's gonna lite a candle furr yoo.

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  22. We are so sorry about Smudge. We are lighting a candle for you, too.

    Momma says Precious was a stinky Pete when she first came here. She was starving, so she ate non stop, that was part of the problem. Momma put her on good food, without dye, and that has taken the stinkies away.

    Patches

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  23. Good story. I already am a Stinky Pete. At least according to the mom I am. We'll pray for Smudge.

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  24. Sorry to hear that Smudge isn't doing much better. Continuing purrayers for all of your.

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  25. Yes, it what's happening to dear Smudge is depressing - but that's ok. We are concerned about you guys, and if we can handle any little bit of the pain or sadness, please feel free to unload it here.

    I think Moose could, possibly, try out for Stinky Pete. LOL.

    ~ tammara

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  26. Momma is purraying fur Smudge and all his family. Speedy is a Stinky Pete, except it's his back leg that makes him poot. He wakes momma up in the middle of the night, he lays on her chest wif his "firing end" near her face and lets go. It's really a laff to hear her an daddy gagging and giggling.

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  27. We are sending purrrs and prayers your way for Smudge and your family.

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  28. Pull my paw....hehehehe.

    Purrs, headbutts and sandpaper kisses to everyone - mostly especially Smudge.

    The Monsters and Mom

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  29. Thinking of Smudge. Headputts & Purrs.

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  30. Yeah, I agree with Mao, you can have a Stinky Kaze, I'll overnight her!!

    Meowmy shed uncontrollable tears when I was in the hospital as a little kitten. We are very sorry Smudge isn't feeling better but he knows you are fighting for him!


    Latte

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  31. David E. Francis12/14/2006 4:29 PM

    Hang in there Smudge. We'll be praying for you and your family.

    Smudge's Dad, feel free to post about Smudge's ups and downs. I believe everyone here can relate to what you are going through. I echo what some of the others wrote, "We care about you guys".

    Dee

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  32. Our Mom says that her Grandma had a dog named Chico and Chico had gas problems. Grandma would always bring Chico when she visited, and she was very stinky. It got so the family used the word "Chico" as a synonym for fart, as in "Did someone Chico in her?" Grandma was not in on the joke.

    Our sister Precious had those sub-Q fluids when she was 18 and she lived to be 19. Mom could not believe that she was able to administer them but Precious was very good and seemed to appreciate that quiet time with Mom.

    We love you, Smudge.

    ~J&B

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